After Shirtless was arrested for DUI, I panicked and called a family member to vent and cry. I contacted Shirtless' parents, and they worked to get him out of jail. A few days later, he was home and back to drinking. We were able to have some minor repairs done to my car and get it back from the repo guys. The front end was mangled. This is when Shirtless voluntarily quit his job as he had racked up DUI charges over the years and knew he would be fired. Many conversations happened, and Shirtless said he would stop drinking and look for work.
Every day, I would sit on our front porch, watching the hummingbirds come and drink from the birds of paradise. It was what I considered my happy place. I had a folding table and chair set up so I could paint my nails and do puzzles every morning while drinking my coffee. A week after the incident, I sat in my happy place talking with Shirtless. It became evident that he had been drinking as he was becoming increasingly more verbally aggressive. That is when I noticed a tall man walking towards us with a badge hanging around his neck on a lanyard. My heart instantly sank. It was just like what I've seen in the movies.
The man identified himself, said he was from child protective services, and asked to meet with us inside. He met with the three of us, then wanted to meet with each of us individually. I was uncomfortable with him meeting with my son alone as he was so young. The CPS worker kept asking my son the same question over and over in different ways, trying to get him to admit he wasn't wearing a seatbelt during the crash. My son insisted he wore one, but the CPS worker wasn't happy with that answer. I finally had enough and told him my son doesn't lie, and trying to coax him into answering differently wasn't okay. He ended the interview and gave me a list of things I needed to do, including taking my son to the Emergency Department. Over the next month, I was called almost every day with more questions and tasks to complete. I was very open with one family member about each and every single thing that was happening. I was scared they were going to take my son away. I felt so isolated and lonely being out there with just my son. Shirtless was a lot of things, but being a supportive partner was not one of them.
After months of back and forth with CPS, I received a letter stating the case was closed. At this point, Shirtless had gone back and forth with drinking. Due to his drinking so heavily, he was not able to safely desist from drinking alcohol. He had to continue to cut down and would often spend days vomiting, shaking, sweating, and hallucinating if he cut down too rapidly.
In the mail, I received a notice that my son's father was taking me to court, going for full custody of our child. Included in the envelope was an affidavit written by the family member I had confided in. The situation was already horrendous, but their affidavit was full of embellishments and lies. This is when I knew I was truly alone. I could no longer trust this family member. This situation did permanent damage to our relationship.
For the second time, I was being threatened with the possibility of my son being taken away from me. Court dates came and went. The judge granted that my son would stay with me. I believe a lot of this was due to my ex not having the financial means to raise our son.
Surviving California and Shirtless was grueling and nearly impossible. I was awarded child support, but it abruptly stopped soon after moving out west. My ex lost his job and did not find work again for over a year. I was working over 100 hours a week to support the household. Shirtless also needed to attend weekly Mothers Against Drunk Driving classes, which I drove him to, along with AA meetings and medical appointments.
I was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted to my core. Looking back, I have no clue why I stayed. I really thought Shirtless would get sober, and life would fall into place.
More to come…
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